After some years of putting up a lot of resistance, a quite elderly man was finally convinced to move into a care home. His first morning there, he wakes up with a throbbing erection. A beautiful, buxom blonde nurse walks past, sees this, and drops everything she's doing to perform oral sex on the man, swallows with a smile, and wiping the back of her hand across her ruby red lips, leaves without a word.
The old man's post-orgasmic daze faded, and as his breath settled so did his wits return. He immediately picked up the phone and called his son.
"Son, I was such a fool to resist all these years. Putting me in this home was the best thing you could ever have done for me!"
"Wow, Dad, I'm glad you've come around; you're really liking it that much?"
"Oh yes, why just this morning I got blown by the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, erm, excepting your wonderful, late mother of course...come to think of it, she was very talented in that department herself," the old man smiles, the wistful sheen over his eyes evident in his voice.
"Um, well, I'm just glad to hear you like it..." the son concludes, somewhat perturbed.
After breakfast, the old lecher is shuffling along the corridor eyeing up all the gorgeous nurses when he feels the floor rushing up on him. He groans at the fall and sees a friendly orderly with a name tag that says 'Bubba' coming up to assist.
"Oh thank you," his ancient voice croaks, until he feels Bubba gripping his hair with one massive hand and seizing his hips with the other. Before he knows it, he's being impaled by an instrument that would be insulted with a comparison to a horse.
After a solid 25 minutes of jackhammering, Bubba finishes, and after a playful slap on the rear, helps the old man to his feet. He feebly limps to his room, and falling back onto the bed, winces with pain at that mistake, and rolling onto his side reaches for his phone.
"Another nurse, Dad?" the son asks, his tone an admixture of discomfort and jealousy, as he eyes his own wife who after four children no longer looked exactly as she did on their wedding day.
"Son, you've got to get me out of here...this place...a nightmare..." the old man wheezed, wincing with pain on every odd numbered syllable.
"What? An hour ago this was the best thing that ever happened to you, what happened?"
"I, I uh, tripped and fell."
"Oh no, you ok?"
"While I was scrambling on my hands and knees, this big bloke Bubba came by, and well, did to me what your mother rarely let me do to her..."
The son took a moment before he understood what was being referred to, and battling competing images of revulsion, was able to mutter the reply, "well, this morning you got sucked off by the most gorgeous nurse on the planet. You need to take the good with the sodomy."
"You don't understand," the old man whined, "I'd be lucky to wake up with an erection maybe twice a month. I fall over four or five times a day!"
